A Guide To Life By Fred and George Weasley
by BethTheRebel
Summary: All the things Fred and George Weasley are forbidden to do at Hogwarts!
1. According To Professor McGonagall

Disclaimer: Do you really think I own this? Your more stupid than I thought.

A/N: I did not write all of this. My friend Amy (Her username is too long to write, but if I get round to it, check out her story 'Harry and the return of Voldemort'!), and me wrote this together. I did George's parts, and she did Fred's. We are both responsible. Enjoy! (And review!)

A Guide To Life By Fred and George Weasley

KEY:

Fred Weasley 

George Weasley

Things Fred and George Weasley are no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

(According to Professor Mcgonagall)

Blow up toilets.

**Send anyone in Hogwarts the toilet seat from the toilets we blew up. **That was funny! **Madame Pomfrey didn't think so. **It's not our fault she had a hissy fit!

Not allowed within 20 feet of Filch's cat. **That thing's evil! **Funny when you kick it though.

**Not allowed to borrow Harry's invisibility cloak for any reason whatsoever.**

(Continued from number 4) Especially not to annoy Snape. **He really didn't like his pink hair did he? **But it was so him!

**Not allowed to draw a moustache and beard on the Slytherin snake.**

(Next day) Not allowed to draw anything else on the Slytherin snake. **But that top hat looked good! **Don't think Snape agreed.

**Not allowed to scare first years by setting off millions of Dr Filibuster's No Heat Wet Start Fireworks right next to them. **You should've seen their faces!

**Not allowed to charm Snape's socks to make him sing 'Merry Christmas' at the top of his voice whenever he sees a Weasley or Harry.**

Not allowed to charm Hogwarts suits of armour to follow Slytherin's around, and kick them 'Where the sun don't shine', when they insult Gryfindor.

**Not allowed to bribe Peeves to throw thing s at the Slytherins.**

(Next day) Must not bribe Peeves to frighten first years/teachers as they come around corners.

**(Day after that) Not allowed to bribe Peeves at all.**

(Day after _that_) Not allowed within fifty feet of Peeves. Ever.

**Not allowed to hold inter-house food fights in the middle of the Halloween feast. **We only did that _once! _**And she's still holding** **it against us. **Could be because she got hit with that pie. **Oh yeah, that explains it. Funny though.**

Not allowed to send Hogwarts house-elves to remove all clothes from the Slytherin dormitories.

**Not allowed to sell the first years to older students/teachers. **How were we supposed to know they didn't like being slaves? **Because they told us? **Oh yeah.

Not allowed to parade around school with an army of charmed suits of armour

**Not allowed to enchant things to poke the Slytherins.**

Not allowed to dive into the lake and pretend to be drowning. **It took me a week to get all the water out my ears! **Annoyed Mcgonagall though!


	2. According To Molly Weasley

A/N: Hi! I'd just like to say thank you to our three reviewers so thank you Jinxeh, Eyes Of Smoke and Marauding-Moonbabe! I would also like to thank Jinxeh for the compliment about my name – try and say it out loud really fast! I'm going to stop rambling now, enjoy the fic! (And Review!) 

Things Fred and George Weasley are not allowed to do at home 

(According to their mother)

**Not allowed near Ginny when she is suffering PMT. **Shouldn't go near _any _girl suffering from PMT! **At least not if you value your life.** Or your ability to have children!

Not allowed to turn everyone's clothes pink, and expect 'We thought they were Ginny's' to be a good enough excuse to escape trouble. **How long did we get grounded for? **A month.** Worth it though. **Oh yeah!

**Not allowed to feed the gnomes.**

Not allowed to give Fred Fizzing Whizbees, because none of the other people in the house want to hear him sing at 2 o'clock in the morning.

**Not allowed to make anything explode. **At home or at Hogwarts. **Especially not toilets.**

Not allowed to hide Canary Creams in random food.

**Not allowed to fly the car.** Even on rescue missions!

Not allowed to pester Charlie with random questions about dragons.

(Next day) **Not allowed to pester Bill with random questions about curse breaking.**

(Day After That) Not allowed to pester Harry, Hermione or any member of the Weasley children. **We didn't do anything to Ginny! **No, but we like Ginny, remember?

**Not allowed to send Howlers to ourselves.**

Not allowed to imitate mom.

**Not allowed to make Howlers imitate mom.**

Not allowed to steal muggle things from Hermione Granger and give the, to dad to disassemble.

**Not allowed to help dad disassemble said muggle things.**

Not allowed to read Ginny's mail.

**Not allowed to read Percy's mail.**

Unless it says clearly Fred/George Weasley on it, not allowed to read it.

**Not allowed to make plates fly.**

Not allowed to shoot said flying plates.

A/N: So there's Chapter Two, I hope you liked. Remember, I do not take all the credit for this my friend The-Chickens-Are-Back-With-The-Revenge deserves some too! I will give one more plea for reviews and stop talking now! Bye!


	3. According To Percy Weasley

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but please don't sue me because if you do I won't be able to afford driving lessons

A/N: Parts of previous chapters were attributed to a friend of mine. Since I am no longer friends with her and haven't seen her in months, it is safe to say that she had nothing to with this, or any future, chapters. Also, this chapter is dedicated to Willywillma, who inspired me to start writing again. Thanks.

Key:

Fred Weasley

**George Weasley**

This will not be repeated again, so assume it applies to all the chapters, although it doesn't really matter which twin is which. Swap them if you like.

Things Fred and George Weasley are No Longer Allowed To Do At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

(According to Percy Weasley)

Not allowed to steal Percy's Head Boy badge.

**Not allowed to change the words on Percy's Head Boy badge.**

_Especially _not to 'Virgin Boy'. **Did you see the colour he turned when we did that? **Yeah, it reminded me of Mum's fuchsias.

**Not allowed to spike the pumpkin juice at dinner and get all the First Years drunk.**

Not allowed to charm refilling buckets of water to follow Percy around the school and drop water on him whenever he gives a non-Slytherin detention. **Sprout didn't mind that one though. **Only because he kept catching people sneaking around the greenhouses, it meant she didn't have to water her plants.

**Not allowed to turn Harry green. **_How _did we do that? **Not a clue, but it was **_**cool**_**.**

Must not persuade the House Elves to send the Slytherins broccoli for every meal. **I still don't see why we got in trouble for that, the House Elves were already sending them broccoli. **Yes, but not _only_ broccoli.

**Must not persuade House Elves to send the Slytherins cabbage for every meal.**

Must not speak to the House Elves.

**Must not communicate with the House Elves in any way. **Including written messages, sign language, using a third party to pass anything on and smoke signals.

Must not use smoke signals for _any reason whatsoever. _**I can't believe Hermione told Percy. **I can't believe it took her that long to notice her hair was on fire.

**Not allowed to convince the First Years that the Bloody Baron got covered in blood by murdering new students.**

Not allowed to try and persuade the Bloody Baron to murder new students.

**Not allowed to try and sneak into Professor Dumbledore's room and cut of his beard while he sleeps.**

Not allowed to tell Penelope Clearwater that Percy is gay.

**Not allowed to tell **_**anyone **_**that Percy is gay. Even if it is true. **Some people just can't accept the truth about themselves. **Sad, isn't it?**

Not allowed to tell people that the Common Room password has changed, then refuse to tell them the new one. **But watching them run around trying to find someone who knows the new one is hilarious!**

**Not allowed to move the portraits.**

Not allowed to steal the portraits from Dumbledore's office and hang them in the Astronomy Tower. **We never did that! **Only because we couldn't get the portraits off the wall.

**Not allowed to lock Percy in the Prefect's Bathroom. **Did anyone let him out yet? **I don't think so. **You think wrong. **How do you know? **Because he's coming this way. **Run!**

A/N: Thanks very much for reading, reviews will be welcomed, suggestions for rules will be greeted with cookies and cake! Bye!


	4. According To Their Other Siblings

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but please don't sue me because I have no money.

A/N: Way quicker than last time, here's the next part!

Things Fred and George Weasley are No Longer Allowed To Do At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

(According to The Siblings Not Already Accounted For)

Not allowed to call Ron "Ickle Ronnie-kins" **Aww, but that's so much fun. **And it suits him better than "Ron", anyway.

**Not allowed to get Harry drunk.**___Why _was Ron annoyed about that again?** Probably because we didn't include him. **Also because Harry puked in Ron's bed.

Not allowed to get Neville drunk. **It must be the not-included thing. **Unless Neville puked in Ron's bed.

**Not allowed to get anyone Ron knows drunk, ever again, ever.**

Not allowed to tell the seventh year girls that Bill is a stripper in his free time.

**Not allowed to tell the seventh year girls that Charlie is a stripper in his free time. **I don't know why they were so touchy about it, neither of them are in the country!

Not allowed to tell Ginny that third year transfigurations include turning each other into pigeons. **I still can't believe she fell for that! **Besides, how were we supposed to know she's afraid of pigeons?

**Not allowed to send Bill fanmail. **Or Charlie. **Or Ron.**

Not allowed to send anyone fanmail, even if we are their Number One and Two fans! **Wait, am I one or two? **Two. **Why? **Because I've got the quill.

**Not allowed to tell Professor McGonagall that Ron has contraband Firewhisky in his room.**

Not allowed to plant contraband Firewhisky in Ron's room.

**Charlie both cannot and will not send them a baby dragon for their birthday and they should stop asking.**

Bill cannot and will not send them an Egyptian skeleton for Christmas and they should stop asking.

**Not allowed to ask for presents.**

Not allowed to scare Ginny's boyfriends. **Not even a little. **Not even if they deserve it for going near our little sister. **Not even if they're older than her.**

**Dragon dung is not an acceptable girt for any occasion, for any family member. **Ron's excuse wasn't as good as Percy's. **Yeah, but then why would Norway be sending Ron fertiliser samples?**

Not allowed to persuade enchanted mirrors to tell Ginny she needs a bag to go with her head. **We didn't do that! **We did, it just wasn't aimed at Ginny.

**Not allowed to replace Ron's school books with Charmed comics, so he doesn't notice until he's already in class.**

Not allowed to flood the house.

**Under no circumstances are we allowed to beg, borrow, steal or otherwise acquire a flamethrower. **In the alarming case that we do acquire a flamethrower, we are not allowed to touch it. **Once the flamethrower is acquired, we are only allowed to fetch the nearest authority figure, as long as it isn't Percy. **If the nearest authority figure is Percy, the only thing we are allowed to do is chase his with the flamethrower.

A/N: Hope you liked it!


	5. According To Hagrid

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but please don't sue me because I have no money.

For C, who always made me laugh.

Things Fred and George Weasley are No Longer Allowed To Do At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

(According to Hagrid)

Not allowed to put Blast-Ended Skrewts in the Slytherin common room. **Or in the Great Hall. **Or in Percy's room.

**Not allowed to feed Fang Canary Creams.**

Not allowed to put Canary Creams in Hagrid's lunch.

**Not allowed in the Forbidden Forest. **Even if we did see an injured Unicorn.

Not allowed to ride the Hippogriffs.

**Centaurs do not appreciate being ridden and we should not attempt this. **Centaurs do not appreciate being ridden and we should not tell the first years that they do. **Or any of the other years.**

Replacing Hagrid's Flesh Eating Slug Repellant with Skele-Gro is not aiding the environment.

**Not allowed to borrow Nifflers. **Or Flobberworms. **What did we even want Flobberworms for? **No idea.

Under no circumstances will Hagrid introduce to us to an Acromantula. **Neither will Harry. **Or Ron.

**Not allowed to try and find the Acromantula nest in the Forest so we can introduce ourselves.**

Not allowed to teach Grawp swear words.

**Not allowed to teach Grawp to insult anyone wearing green.**

Not allowed within fifty feet of Grawp. **I had no idea giants had such good hearing. **Me either – did you hear what he called Nott?

**Not allowed to set off fireworks in the middle of the third year Care of Magical Creatures class just to see the third years run around trying to catch anything that might escape. **Or any of the other year's classes. **We didn't! **No, but he could see us thinking it.

We solemnly swear that we will never again feed the giant squid anything that could have even the remotest possibility of containing sugar. **We do?**

**Hagrid does not wish to purchase any of our products. **Setting them off in his house will not change this.

If we dare any more students to go skinny dipping in the lake Hagrid will drop us both in it. **Literally, into the lake.**

**Not allowed to spike Hagrid's goblet with Firewhisky. **Four detentions! It's not like we poisoned him! **He told Mcgonagall he loved her. **Worth every second.

At no point in time will we acquire Hagrid another dragon. **If we do acquire Hagrid another dragon, he will train it to eat us.**


End file.
